Just an empty shell
by RandomTsunade
Summary: When Sasuke dies, Sakura is left wondering what she has left to live for. As the pain gets worse, she breaks. Hard. Sakura is forced to sit and watch, as her hell of a life consumes her whole.
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note:

This fanfiction contains self-harm and depression. If you don't want to read that kind of thing, you shouldn't read this fic.

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You rush to get ready, you couldn't be late. Though to be honest you didn't know why you were rushing. Kakashi sensei was always late, always coming up with lame excuses as to why. You put on your headband, kissed your photo of Sasuke, and walked out of the house. On the way to meet Kakashi you saw Naruto walking. You turned around and walked in the other direction. You still hated Naruto, and couldn't face him, not yet.

You took the long path to the meeting point. If you were late, who cares? When you arrived Naruto and Kakashi were stood tapping their feet impatiently. You adverted your eyes from Kakashi's angry glare. "Sakura, you know how important this training is. Why are you late?" You roll your eyes. You were grieving, could they not cut you any slack? Kakashi and Naruto just stare at you. What the fuck do they expect? You just lost the love of your life and they think everything's OK?

You walk off, you can't take it. You don't have a reason to be alive. Ever since Sasuke died, you saw the world differently. Like a fog have covered everything you cared about. Like your soul had been ripped out, and you were nothing but an empty shell. Tears begin to roll down your face. Just thinking about all this was too much. You ran, leaving the dumb bastards behind. They can train, they can try and forget, but you wouldn't. You couldn't.

You ran back to your house and into your room. You sat and cried for what seemed like an age. The pain was too much, you just wanted relief. You glance towards your desk, there is a kunai lying there. You dragged yourself up and looked at the kunai. You thought. You reached for it. You sat on the floor and trailed a line on your wrist with the blade. More tears flowed from your eyes. You made the first cut, a red line of blood beading up on your wrist. You found relief in the sting of pain. You sat there and cut another red line into your wrist. With tears running down your face, and blood running down your arm, you broke. You broke, and smashed into pieces. Crying more than ever as you cut yet another line into your flesh. You couldn't stop, you felt like doing this was the only thing keeping you sane. By were you sane? For doing this? For breaking? You only had yourself to blame, the first cut, would be the first in a long line of them. A coping strategy to keep yourself ok.

You fall into a deep sleep, exhausted from crying, and the heaviness in your chest. Your wrists continue to bleed whilst you sleep.

When you wake the blood had dried on your arm, leaving dark crimson lines all over your arms. As well as the puffy skin that surrounds the cuts in your wrists. You look at them, and then at the kunai. From now on you and this kunai would be friends. Best friends.

You quickly change your clothes and walk out of the house. You wear the usual short sleeved outfit, not ashamed of your cuts. You stopped caring last night. When you broke. If people saw you didn't give a shit. You walked, you didn't know where you were going. You just walked. Depression had completely taken over. You promised yourself you wouldn't let it. But the world had torn you apart. The old Sakura who was always laughing and smiling. Always flirting with Sasuke and always so happy, had been replaced by a bitter depressed shell. You were nothing but an empty shell, and the worst thing, you knew you were. Most people would lie to themselves, tell themselves they were OK. But you were not ok. Not at all. And you never would be.

Looking at all these happy people in the village, made you sick. They had good lives, they had not lost everything dear to them. You hated them all.

Your walking suddenly stopped, and you stood there taking in your surroundings. There was a gentle breeze that blew your hair into your face. And for some reason, you did not know why, you began to cry. The tears began to fall again. You were weak! You collapsed onto your knees, and started to get dizzy. You curled into a ball, in the floor. Just as you passed out, you realised where you were. You were near the ramen shop where you could usually find Naruto. You wanted to run as you saw the spikey haired idiot run toward you. But you were gone.


	2. Chapter 2

When you wake you are in a small room. You are warm, for the first time in a while you feel safe. You sit up and look around the room, where am I? You think to yourself. You look through the window, it's raining heavily. It's also night time, and the moon hangs high in the sky. You watch as the rain drops splash onto the window, and slide down. Like tears, like _your_ tears. You begin to get up but freeze, as the faint smell of ramen enters the room. You jump up and run out of the room, and find yourself in Naruto's kitchen, where he is sat. Eating ramen. You both just look at one another, and you remember. You passed out on the floor and Naruto helped you.

"Hey Sakura, you OK?" He asked, shovelling ramen into his huge mouth. You grit your teeth, and think of how much you hate Naruto. "Why did you bring me here? You should have just left me alone!" You scream. You turn towards the door and run, out into the rain. Out into the night.

You hear Naruto shout after you, but you couldn't her what he said. You didn't exactly care either. You run for about ten minutes before you stop. Soaked to the bone, and shivering. You look around at the gloomy world, and think to yourself. I hate myself, this village, and these people. I hate my life, I have to get away.

You rush home and lock the door. You get out a large rucksack, one that you used on your many ninja missions, with Naruto and Sasuke. You think of the fun you had on those missions, when Sasuke was still alive. You begin to cry, some of your tears dropping on the rucksack. You begin to stuff spare clothes, food, toiletries and other things into the bag. You walk towards the safe and open it up. You take the huge wads of money inside, and stuff them into your bag as well.

You zip up the now full bag, and walk toward your bed, where you set out some dry clothes. You quickly change into the jumper and jeans, pulling a thick water-proof over the top. You run for the door, and take one last look at your home before you run into the night. You pull your hood up and begin to jog, not wanting to waste all your energy at once.

You didn't know where you were going. You didn't care! As long as it was away from this village, away from all the painful memories it had.

You see Naruto, shouting your name and running around, you turn and run the other way, hoping to god he didn't see you. After a while you come the entrance of a deep forest. It's dry at least. You sit down on the mossy ground and take out your best friend, the kunai, from your bag. You take down your hood and remove the headband. You slash a line across the hidden leaf symbol, from now on you were a rouge ninja, a runaway. You put the newly decorated headband back on and put the kunai away. For some reason you begin to think back on all the good times you and your teammates had together. You had some good times, even with Naruto. He wasn't that bad. You begin to cry, again. Naruto was only trying to help you earlier, and you screamed at him and ran. And just now, he was in the rain, soaking, looking for you. You were an awful bitch. And here you are, running away from all your troubles, will that make things better? You take out the kunai and cut another line into your wrist, but this time a little deeper. You then put the kunai away, having had your relief. The temporary relief, that wouldn't last long. Soon enough you would be confiding in the kunai again.

You stand up and begin walking deeper into the forest. You walked for hours, seeing nothing but the same old trees, twisted and gnarled. Sometimes a branch would catch on your coat, you didn't care. You kept walking. Just walking. Nothing but walking. You felt empty and hollow, and had given up any hope of ever getting better. Suddenly you saw it. The end of the forest. Where you disappointed? The end of the dark world, like your heart. Would you leave it behind? You stepped out of the trees and into a field. The sun had begun to rise. You had been walking that long? You were hungry.

You sat at the edge of the forest and opened up your rucksack. You nibbled some sushi, and then just sat. You took of your waterproof as the rain had stopped. The crisp early morning air bit your skin, making you shiver. You closed your bag and began walking again. Walking. Nothing but walking.

The field stretched as far as you could see, and you were getting tired. You began to get dizzy. You collapsed onto the floor, and the world went black.

When you wake, you are in the field still. You get up, and mentally scold yourself for being so weak.

You begin to walk. Just walking. It's all you seem to do lately. The edge of the field comes into view. You see a village up ahead, and break out into a run.

When you come to the entrance of the village you see a sign that says inn. You soon find the inn. When you walk inside you are greeted by a large woman. "Welcome dear! Come over to the desk and we'll sort you out a room!" You slowly walk towards the desk, exhausted from all the traveling. The woman looks at you. She sees your slashed headband and frowns. Your wrists catch her eye, and she gasps. Something like that would have bothered the old you, but now you were different.

"H-How long will you be staying with us?" She gulps, obviously not wanting you to stay. You sigh. You turn. And you walk out of the door. Your travels begin again…

This village was not the place for you. You walk through the village, trying to find an exit. That's when you see him. The last person you wanted to see. Kakashi. He's right in front of you. You stand there. What are you doing? RUN! You think. You turn but he grabs your arm. The arm covered in dry blood and cuts. Kakashi gasps. "Sakura, we need to have a talk" You turn you face him. Tears run down your face and he sighs. "What am I going to do with you?"


End file.
